my life as a former fangirl question mark

welcome back poopers, late sleeper and bored people of the world.

again, in no way shape or form am I a professional writer, blogger, etc, I do this for shits and giggles, okay? also, these views are my own so don’t come for my neck when you tell me this stuff isn’t true because it’s true for me.

ima take you back 10 years. no that’s too far. 8 years to when one direction was introduced into my life. the best times of my life tbh. let me know who your favorite member was. I started watching a lot of interviews, I started listening to a station and I thought, “that would be so cool to do for a living!” somehow we ended up at the station and I was able to see how on air stuff works and honestly, it seemed really neat. a couple of years later I got an internship there miraculously because when I first got interviewed they said I wouldn’t be a good fit because I was way too laid back and quiet. somehow though, I ended up getting chosen for the next batch of interns. 

that shit was wild, bro. so much stuff goes on behind the scenes and that’s when I realized I never wanted to be on air because I do be talking a lot, but not enough for how they 1) come up with stuff on the spot sometimes 2) come up with clever stuff to talk about during what they call “breaks” which is what you hear before or after a song is played 3) talking a lot and being friendly? 

while I did meet a lot of great people shoutout to… I don’t know if I should name him lmfao, but if you know me, you know how much I look up to this person. i’ll nickname him the goat because he’s super cool and important, but never lost the cool factor because he would always take time to hear me out about music and honestly, was the only person who supported my fangirling. he also helped me fulfill my photoshop dream of meeting louis tomlinson. remember the one direction thing? yeah, louis was my favorite. but so was harry. and zayn was first, but you know how the video diaries go and you realize who your real fav is. ANYWAY I AM GETTING SIDE TRACKED.

while I did meet a lot of great people, over time, I lost an interest in music. I’ve always loved music, but I feel like they sucked the fun out of things. I thought maybe it was because as I got older maybe I wasn’t supposed to fangirl, but no it’s because you were made to feel guilty by these people who are older and quite honestly, sorry, but didn’t know shit. the people who interned there were all young and knowledgeable of the artists who went in. naturally, you get excited about artists going in, but I felt like they always looked down on us for being excited? and it’s almost as if they didn’t even have faith in you to know that you WOULDN’T fangirl? what the fuck did your staff look like fangirling over people?  clearly, we knew better than to act this way because it was a professional environment, but the fact that they’d shut you down completely from being remotely excited was ridiculous. also, a lot of the men here and one woman in particular always painted this narrative that fangirls were just groupies. you couldn’t be excited about someone dropping an album and having them in the station because that automatically meant you wanted to sleep with them. they made fun of the girls who would line up hours early to catch a glimpse of their favorite artist because they said they were crazy and blah blah. sorry you’ve never been excited over things i guess???? but how shitty is that? the reason all of these people have jobs IS because of FANS. because they support, because they listen in to win these contests, because they talk to all these on air people. 

so as the years went by, it’s like my love for music and embracing my love for these artists died. except zedd, never dulled that sparkle as long as I was there, but I can bet you good money that people probably talked about how I wanted to suck his lights out. it makes me sad that they could never get a grip of the fact that there was more to loving these artists. some of these lyrics help people keep their day to day going. some of these artists having such amazing personalities, help people forget about what’s going on the world for just a minute. having concerts to go to is sometimes something people really get excited about because they actually have something to look forward to. not to mention the actual sensation of being there at a concert in the moment. you forget everything because you’re just there to vibe listening to this music live. ULTIMATELY NOT TO MENTION ALL THE FUCKING FRIENDS YOU MAKE BECAUSE OF MUSIC ARTISTS THAT YOU HAVE IN COMMON. there’s a lot that goes into supporting artists and I wish that during my time there it would have been an environment in which everyone would have been like the goat.

however, everything happens for a reason because it wasn’t all just negative stuff. I was able to do a bit of concert photography while I was there. I learned how to write blog posts, except yo, I lost my touch because the blogs we would write there were so pretty and pristine. I got to meet great people around my age group who worked there: I’m looking at you christian, big diaz, lanica because we bonded over music or something else. i also got to go to a lot of cool concerts thanks to the goat because he knew the struggle of being a broke ass bitch. I think my favorite thing over all was the fact that we would contribute even if it was just by setting up placards and setting up meet and greet areas, to some big shows that would go on and seeing how happy and excited everyone was to see their favorite artist. I was  jealous of them almost because I just didn’t get that feeling anymore. or who knows, maybe I never lost the fangirl in me, I just needed a break after all the overwhelming wave of weirdness I felt after working there. until recently because it’s been so many years and I just need to put my thoughts to rest once and for all. (also because alex jarvi, from sweden, who’s music I don’t understand because I don’t speak swedish, has made me excited)

I guess like in every relationship (it’s like i was in a relationship with my job because i was there for so many years), there are good things and there are bad things, but it helps you learn. I learned that I can’t be on air and that maybe I just hate adults even though I technically am one ? and that apparently i’m just a hater. 

anyway, now that i’m not there anymore I can fangirl freely so if you are a fan of pop music, check out notd who are a swedish edm duo who make the pop music slaps. they really do be going off though, they used instruments during their set which was lit. also, they have good style. their artwork is pretty. you can find them almost anywhere like, spotify, apple music and youtube. they’re really cool, damn, I can’t fangirl online after all because I don’t know how to properly do it anymore. JUST KNOW THAT THEY GO OFF OKAY. LISTEN TO THEM! FOLLOW THEM! SUPPORT THEM!!!

comment your favorite member of one direction, your favorite one direction song, and your favorite artist at the moment